Resentment often manifests itself in a person, due to many factors, but how, few know. In a state of resentment, it is impossible to make informed decisions, think correctly and enjoy life. But there is no need to be upset, as psychologists have found out the main essence of resentment and today they will share it with you.

What do you feel

To deal with resentment and anger , you first need to just evaluate what you are feeling and feeling right now. Resentment is a consequence of deceived feelings and emotions, therefore, simply by evaluating the problem, you can immediately solve it. Examine your character, you may be prone to resentment, this is your habit, which you can easily deal with if you yourself want to.

Consequences of loneliness

Psychologists and scientists have come to the conclusion that you can get rid of resentment by communicating with good people. After all, when we are offended by our friend, girlfriend, comrade, we remain completely alone and we need communication and joy. For everyone, the ideal option would be to completely stop showing resentment, and find the positive aspects in people, for this you need. It is wiser to solve the problem immediately than to remain alone for a long time.

Unconscious resentment

Basically we want deal with resentment and anger, but it turns out to be completely unconscious and unfair. All people have feelings and emotions, but sometimes they need to be restrained and controlled, which will help both you and those around you. If there is a tendency to resent resentment regularly, change your mindset and think more about good circumstances. Scientists also suggest that we look for only the good and positive in every person, so we will never be offended, and we are not going to offend anyone. But every person should strive for this, and then the world will become much more beautiful. After all, in order to cope with resentment, you do not need a lot of time and effort, you just need to change your stereotypes and views, which are unjustified and unconscious.

When you got offended

Also, in order to cope with resentment, not necessarily everything should be connected with the fact that it was you who were offended, it also happens that you were offended and quite seriously. First you need to remember the whole situation from beginning to end and understand whether you did the right thing, whether you are to blame for this situation. No need to deceive yourself and say that you are right, first analyze the situation. After that, you can find out whether you did it wrong, offended your friend, or whether he was offended by you unconsciously and unjustifiably. According to the statistics of psychologists, in most cases, all grievances manifest themselves unconsciously and unjustifiably. Understanding this, you can become smarter than the situation and simply improve relations with a person, no matter what he or you are no longer offended by each other. Life is short to waste time on such trifles.

Insults and humiliation

In the rating compiled by psychologists, the cause of resentment is also insults and humiliation. Such cases are associated with not invented resentment. Rather, it is a very unfair and serious offense that remains in a person for several years. After all, constant humiliation is not fair, that any person may not show resentment, but it will still remain in the heart for a long time. If you insulted and humiliated, then you need to immediately apologize and begin to change your character. In this case, you will be able to become stronger and more successful, since humiliation is a consequence of a weak character, and will not help to cope with resentment.

Take care of your health

Also, the Bible says that be able to forgive which has a positive effect on health. You should not be offended, you will not prove anything to a person, you will lose a lot of time and effort in vain, and your health will deteriorate due to negative emotions and anxiety. Do something good and the resentment will pass. We need to take care of our health, because no one will give it to us for a birthday or a new year. You decide what you do, but it is better to be successful, happy, and most importantly healthy.

Do what you love

All scientists and psychologists do not cease to convince us that the most effective way to overcome resentment and other unnecessary trifles is to do what you love. This has been proven by many studies and real examples of successful people. They said that they became successful and happy because they started doing what they love. Take the initiative and find your place in society, then resentment and other problems will disappear and they will be replaced by happiness and success.

Rid yourself of complexes

To stop being offended, you need to get rid of a variety of unnecessary complexes. It turned out that the most harmful complex that can interfere with you is the one that you can deal with right now. This is a completely unnecessary complex that manifests itself in a completely different way than you think. A person having such a complex does not show shyness, stiffness and fear, on the contrary, he tries to hide it, to show that he does not have this complex. Manifestations are different, such as a raised voice, unnecessary leadership, unjustified criticism and humiliation of people who behave more calmly than others.

Don't think about it

The most cunning and wise advice from a psychologist is to simply stop thinking about such a feeling as resentment. Forget about its existence, fill your life only with positive and joy, and only you will notice the result. If you have additional questions, ask them in the comments, we will definitely answer them.

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For the psychological portal www.psynavigator.ru

In Russian (according to Ushakov), the word "resentment" means unfairly caused grief, insult, as well as the feeling caused by it. Interestingly, in ancient times this word was synonymous with a crack or a slap in the face, when it wasn’t that you were hit hard, but, in a similar way, they hurt you. There is no wound, no bruise, but it is experienced much more painfully than if they had been beaten. Any high expectations are always fraught with deep resentment for a person.

Let's say you do something for someone else and have your own assumption about how he must treat it. And suddenly surprise- He reacts quite differently than you would like. The flashed feeling that you have been underestimated causes a caustic feeling of bitterness. This must have been experienced more than once or twice by every person in his life. In resentment there is always a concrete threat to our positive self-image - self-perception and self-esteem. In this case, the train of thought is extremely simple: "I did not deserve this. I am better than they think about me." If a person is very worried, considering himself offended, it is obvious that a very important string of his soul has been touched. And everything that is significant to us is also vulnerable. It will not be possible to offend with what is insignificant. And most often, resentment is not explained rationally, it is simply emotionally experienced. And the problem is not in what is experienced, but in what is experienced in a non-constructive way, because in most cases the offense does not go beyond the boundaries of negative emotions. It overshadows logic, instills doubts and self-doubt, and often embitters the offended against others. A person ceases to adequately test reality, the picture of the world is greatly distorted, life begins to be drawn in gloomy colors.

What to do, how and where to look for a way out? Here are some of the express methods:

1. It is necessary to speak the problem, translate it from the language of emotions into the language of logic. Mentally answer yourself the question: why exactly does this offend me. Perhaps you will finally find out what is important to you in life. If you have a real friend, a girlfriend who is ready to understand and listen, open up to them. Thus, you will not only relieve mental stress, perhaps they will help you admit to yourself what you really didn’t want to admit in private.

2. A good way to "deal" with resentment is to write a letter to an old friend or keep a diary. The need to express your thoughts clearly and honestly will quickly make you understand yourself. And, perhaps, the resentment that has managed to grow into a problem will not be so significant that you spend time and energy on it.

3. If there is no true friend nearby, there is no one to write to, but it is necessary to speak out, dial the "helpline". It is much easier to communicate frankly with a stranger (for example, with a fellow passenger) than with relatives, and this helps to quickly understand the situation.

4. Do not make decisions right away, in a hurry. Better take a timeout indefinitely, postponing the "dismantling" until the next day, and go to bed. Say to yourself, like the heroine of Gone With the Wind, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

5. Laugh more often and engage in your "I", look inside yourself daily, and not just during the "shipwreck". Regularly challenge yourself with questions: what is important to me and what is not? Look at the world around you respectfully - but not timidly, seriously - but with a smile. Be self-sufficient in a good way. Instead of holding a grudge against the whole world, smile at him. Do you know how one self-sufficient person, Socrates, treated the world, and therefore people? "My enemies can kill me, but they can't insult me."

6. If you can not unwind the ball of grievances, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Sometimes only at the third or fourth step does a person understand the underlying cause of resentment. And this is necessary in order not to be offended in the future.

If you are serious about your self-development, then you need to learn the following skills:

First, we must learn to build relationships with others, abandoning unrealistic expectations. That is, I will not err in anticipating the behavior of another if I do not expect anything from him. It is clear that this is ideal, but everyone is able to reduce the personal level of expectations.

Secondly, there will be no resentment if I do not, as much as possible, associate the satisfaction of any of my needs with the behavior of another. That is, to be grateful to another for something done for me, but at the same time not to consider him to be doing something to me. After all, maturity implies, among other things, relying on oneself and gratitude for any help from another.

Thirdly, it is necessary to refuse to evaluate the behavior of others. That is, stop comparing the observed behavior of another with your own expectations. This is the observance of the well-known covenant "Judge not, lest you be judged..."

And then everyone will be able to say to himself: "It is impossible to offend me precisely because I accept myself and others as they are."

To overcome the feeling of resentment associated with it. I strongly recommend that you read it before reading this one.

In a nutshell, let's remember what we were talking about. The wrong solutions are:

1. Hold a grudge
2. Cry to friends/family
3. Look for external solutions

Now, starting from an understanding of what cannot be done and why, you can start a conversation about what to do next.

How to deal with resentment after a breakup

From what I wrote in the first part of the article, a controversial story may develop. On the one hand, it is impossible to keep emotions in oneself, and on the other hand, it is also not recommended to pour out this negativity on other people.

Accordingly, we need an approach that would allow us to express and realize our emotions at the same time, and at the same time would not involve other people. The ideal solution, which is also advised by many psychologists in articles on this topic, is write down your emotions on paper. This is the first step.

Step 1: Write out your emotions

It is not necessary to take paper and a pen - a text editor will also work. In this work, you have several important tasks:

1. Describe in as much detail as possible your resentment from parting.
2. Describe possible reasons for your emotions
3. Describe all the decisions you made in connection with the breakup
4. Throw out any negativity (swearing is appropriate)
5. Write down any thoughts about the breakup that came up in the process of writing out the previous points.

Note that this is exactly what you do with your female friends when you meet them with the desire to console yourself with their company. You describe exactly what happened, describe your emotions, make some decisions, splash out any negativity, express any thoughts about it. If you find it difficult to write down all these things, imagine that you are in a circle of friends who are ready to support you in every possible way and justify your emotions. What will you tell them about how you feel?

The advantage of writing out your emotions, as opposed to shedding bitter tears to friends, is that such work forces you to be more aware. When you break the bones of someone in the company of friends, you - ready to bet - never Don't ask yourself, "Why am I feeling these emotions?"

At the same time, if you pay attention to the second point, you will have to start learning to understand yourself and write out not only what is on your mind, but also your guesses about the cause of your emotions. It's okay if it's difficult at first - if you work seriously and systematically (more on that at the end of the article), then this skill - to recognize your emotions and the reasons for their occurrence - will be worked out automatically.

Well, let's say you made the decision to sit down at the computer and properly paint your emotions “on the shelves” - albeit clumsily. What to do next?

… you will have to start learning to understand yourself and write out … the causes of your emotions.

There should have been Step 2, but we have to pause a little. Before proceeding to further actions, I have to ask you, dear reader, why are you here at all?

What does it mean to you to let go of resentment? Does this mean discarding the negative and moving on with your life, without fooling yourself because of a recent breakup? Or does this mean eliminating the resentment that has settled in the subconscious so that such episodes do not arise in the future?

If you choose the first, then you need advice on short term overcoming resentment. You just need to do something now so as not to suffer, and then life will get better on its own. If this is about you, then here it is, Step 2:

Step 2. Do Nothing

Everyone, congratulations! All necessary work has been done. You have already written out your negative emotions. You met with them face to face, which already prevented them from settling in the subconscious a little. You may even have learned something new about yourself. Not only that, you managed not to confuse anyone with your negativity, it's great!

Why is there nothing more to be done? Because if you are a mentally healthy person, your pain from resentment cannot be felt. sharply too long. Your mind will protect itself by “shoveling” your resentment deeper into the subconscious so that you can move on with your life. No wonder the wisdom says "Time heals" ...

Over time, the suffering from resentment will stop, and the pain of parting will subside. You will be able to live as you lived before, and maybe even better. You may find yourself a new partner - or maybe not. Howbeit, clearly you will not suffer from a recent breakup. In extreme cases, if it was so painful that it plunged you into the abyss of depression for six months, then in 10 years you will remember it with a pang, but no more. Even if so - as they remembered, they forgot. Life will provide you with plenty of opportunities to take your mind off your negative emotions.

Therefore, once again - a piece of paper and a pen in your hands, write out the negative, and there will be happiness.

Well, what if a person suddenly stumbled upon this article, who for some reason was dissatisfied with the advice above? What if it seems to him that anyway something is wrong here, and that the solution is inferior? What if there is a feeling that even if the resentment has subsided, it will definitely still appear? What if already fed up experience the same negative emotions from time to time, each time to be comforted by something, and then again get into situations where these emotions arise, again suffer from them, again be consoled, and so on?

If you are such a person, then I am sincerely glad, because in fact, my site is designed for people like you. Just for those who have already realized that you can’t get away from resentment. That she is like a hydra, which if you cut off one head, several more will grow - just give a reason. And life will give you reasons to be offended! The only question is - how will you react to them?

Resentment ... like a hydra, which if you cut off one head, several more will grow - just give a reason.

If your work on your resentment is limited to writing out emotions or comforting your circle of friends, you will never get rid of resentment. AT long-term period, she will definitely return.

But if you recognize this and see the need to systematically eliminate all your resentments and the causes of them, then you are ready to ensure that resentment is removed in long-term period. And to get rid of it, you need to work out. That is, simply saying something to do with it - not just writing out its reasons on a piece of paper. And working through not only one episode of resentment from one breakup is just the beginning.

Getting rid of the oppression of one painful episode of your life is still not enough to free yourself from resentment forever. Suppose a man is reading these lines now. Do you think your relationship with your mother as a child does not determine your relationship with women now? Also how it is determined. Do you think that the resentment that you may have felt from the first unrequited feelings (ah, school :) does not determine your reactions to the behavior of women now? Also how it is determined. And what about all your beliefs about women - can your emotional reactions be conditioned by them? For sure.

What am I getting at? Long-term deliverance from resentment involves a systematic study all their grievances, all their past emotional traumas, all their causes, all the negative emotions you experience all the decisions you made against the background of your grievances, all relationships that you had all beliefs about relationships that you have. In essence, you will have to shovel all the contents of your mind and massively eliminate from it all the causes of resentment. Only then will you truly be free of it.

Are you ready for this kind of work? If not, no big deal. Again, you have already dealt with the resentment of parting, and life will get better on its own, over time.

But if your decision to stop being a victim of your emotions has gained sufficient strength, and you are ready for a systematic work to eliminate all your grievances, and you want no more separations to bring you suffering, then the next step is to acquire a system for processing the contents of your mind. All those things two paragraphs above must be eliminated from the subconscious, and for this we need an appropriate system of work on ourselves.

Step 2.0 Arm yourself with an internal processing system

There are many such systems. But ours should have a number of parameters. She must be least:

1. Powerful, that is, it must work with all the contents of the subconscious at once. What good is it for us to work out one youthful insult if it is only one of the thousands that we have had in our lives. No, we need to work through everything at once.
2. Fast, that is, we are reluctant to delve into our minds for years, looking for the causes of grievances. We need to see tangible results within a few months.
3. Simple, that is, it should not require special knowledge and skills. So that it can be used not only by psychologists.
4. efficient, that is, the results should be felt. There should be a shift in the emotional background towards positive feelings, there should be less reaction to people, there should be less limiting beliefs that somehow negatively affect behavior, and so on.

Since my site is focused on people who are ready for systematic work, then I provide all the necessary tools to work on myself. The system of internal study that I am talking about is called Turbo-Gopher, and you can familiarize yourself with it on the Main page of the site, and you can also subscribe to the newsletter on the intricacies of its application in the form at the bottom of this page. I simply do not want to repeat myself here, so the article turned out to be rather big :).

Step 3. Work through

Is there an intention to eliminate garbage from the head? Is there a willingness to work? Do you have all the necessary tools for the job? Then forward and with the song. The best time to start changing is the present moment :).

Harmless totals

The bottom line is that you have to ask yourself what you want. If you want a short-term, quick, yet superficial solution to dealing with resentment after a breakup, I recommend that you go to Step 2. If you want a solution that is long-term and effective, but requires little systematic effort from you, then I advise you to go to Step 2.0. Whatever you choose will be fine, I promise :).

Resentment is something that haunts every person almost every day. All people are constantly offended by someone or offend someone. However, everyone is already so accustomed to considering resentment as something everyday that they do not notice how much damage it causes to each of the participants. It can have serious consequences in the future, so you should think about how to deal with resentment. After all, it depends on you how much this or that case will affect your psyche. And if you can’t get over the feelings that gnaw at you on your own, this article will offer you several ways to deal with resentment. Study them, choose the ones that suit you best, try them individually or in combinations. It is very important to learn how to deal with resentment. Pretty soon you will realize: without it, your life is much better.

Resentment: how to deal with it

So, in this article, you will learn how to deal with resentment. However, for this you need to understand what it is and why it manifests itself. Resentment is the feeling that a person experiences when something unpleasant is said or done to him. However, it has differences from anger and other manifestations of negative emotions. Most often, it is hidden, that is, a person feels that he is unpleasant, but does not tell the person who offended him about it. It is because of this that problems arise. The fact is that resentment tends to accumulate, as well as an even more dangerous property - to grow. If someone offended you, then it is best to resolve the situation as soon as possible, because the more resentment “ripens” inside you, the worse it will be for you. The person who gave you this unpleasant feeling may not even know about it. But at the same time, you have already gone through hundreds of situations in your head and inflated your resentment to unprecedented proportions. Although it could start with any little thing.

The thing is that resentment is a manifestation of the inner child inside each of the people. You may be twenty-five or fifty years old, still deep down you still have a part of the childish ego. And because of this, an irrational reaction to the statement or action of a person occurs. Resentment lies within a person and does not go outside. And it can take a serious toll on your mental health. If you accumulate grievances and do not learn how to deal with them, then this can seriously affect your condition. That is why you need to learn how to deal with resentment. And this article will help you with this.

Talk

The first thing you need to understand if you want to know how to deal with resentment is that the person who hurt you can't read minds. Often, he cannot know that you did not like what he said or did. Therefore, first of all, you need to try to suppress the childish ego in yourself at least a little in order to make room for rational thinking. How can a person feel guilty if he does not know that he is being blamed? Naturally, he will not come to you since he has no idea that he should do it. Therefore, you should definitely talk to this person. Tell him that you were offended by his particular remark and behavior. In most cases, this works flawlessly. The person who offended you, if you approach him calmly, and not with accusations on the forehead, will also look at the situation from a rational point of view and understand what exactly he did wrong. This is the easiest way to deal with resentment towards a person. However, there are other methods that may seem more convenient or effective to someone. They can also be used when the first method didn't work.

Forgiveness

A lot of women are wondering how to deal with resentment towards a man. After all, if you are in a relationship, then, most likely, the first method does not always work - you know each other too well for one of you to remain in the dark about the fact that he offended his partner. This method, which will be described now, is not only suitable for this case - you can use it in any situation in life. Its essence lies in the simplest forgiveness. When you resent a person, you harm mostly only yourself, so you should learn to forgive insults without the participation of the other side. Instead of holding the resentment within yourself, forgive the person who hurt you. Naturally, if he continues to do this, then other actions will have to be taken, but if this is an isolated case, forgiveness may be the best option. So, if you are wondering how to deal with it, you should definitely try to just forgive him, because you must not forget that he is the closest person to you in the world.

Lesson

If you're wondering how to deal with resentment and anger, then you probably haven't tried to look a little deeper inside yourself. Often, even something positive can be learned from resentment. If you have been offended, you can alleviate your suffering by introspection. Think about what caused such strong feelings. Most likely, the person touched you for something that is very important to you - what is it? Think about it and try to draw conclusions from it. As you can see, you can take something positive out of any situation that can help you in later life.

Understanding

When you think about how to cope with a bad mood, irritation, resentment, you most often think only of yourself. This is a completely normal trait for a person, but sometimes it’s worth looking a little further than your own “I”. Almost always, an insult is perceived as a personal insult, and rare people immediately begin to think logically and assume that it may not be about them at all. Sometimes someone can offend you by accident because something happened to him in his family or some important plans for him failed. And you just fell under the hot hand. Therefore, you should not harbor resentment, because in a few hours a person may already return to normal and forget about how he said something to you, and you will still be offended by him. Try to understand the people around you, as often you will be in their place and you will most likely want to be understood too, and not immediately judged harshly.

Analysis

This paragraph is a kind of combination of some of the previous ones, since it will ask you to analyze the situation. If you want to learn how to deal with resentment and negative emotions, you need to think soberly and not give in to manifestations of strong feelings. Analyze the situation: if you were offended by a stranger whom you most likely will never meet again, then you should not think about this offense at all. Forget about her and never remember, so that she does not interfere with your life. If the offense was caused by someone close and this happened not for the first time, then other measures will have to be used. Just remember that in this situation, your main weapon is a calm conversation, not harsh accusations.

expectations

It often happens that resentment arises because the person simply did not live up to your expectations. You implied that he would act in a certain way, since you are friends, colleagues, relatives, and so on, but he acted in a completely different way, and for this you are offended by him. If you soberly look at such a situation from the outside, you will understand that this is stupid and irrational. It has already been written above that no one is able to read your thoughts, so you should either announce them, or not require a person to do what he does not consider necessary. If you think that your friend should have helped you in a particular situation, tell him about it or just forget and do not expect from him what he was not going to do and is not going to.

NLP

There is such a technique as Neuro Linguistic Programming, NLP for short. With its help, the most difficult problems that people have are often solved, and it also allows you to cope with grievances. One of the most striking examples is the burning of a leaf with grievances. You need to write down on a piece of paper all the grievances that a person inflicted on you, throw out all your emotions on paper, and then burn this sheet, imagining how they burn in the fire. It looks rather strange, but in fact it turns out to be an extremely effective method. You are programming yourself for your happiness, and listing grievances and burning a sheet is just a symbol that allows you to convince yourself as simply as possible that you yourself are the master of your happiness.

Another option

Recently, NLP has become more and more popular, so this article will provide another way that relates to this technique. You need to write on paper the name of your offender and what exactly he did to you. After that, you need to write that you are for him. Repeat this several dozen times a day until your resentment goes away due to the fact that you will program yourself for forgiveness by constantly repeating the action. Naturally, this approach should only be used if you can't forgive the person without some outside help.

Steam release

Well, another option that will allow you to forget the offense and cheer yourself up is to let off steam. If you have a good, if not, take a pillow or something like that. Well, then everyone understands what needs to be done: imagine that this is your offender, and let off steam on him. Naturally, such an approach is recommended to be used for strangers or not the closest people, such as, for example, the boss, and not the mother or husband.

Resentment in psychology is a strong destructive feeling that has a destructive effect. Offended, people refuse to communicate with loved ones, change the attitude of others towards themselves, and harm their own health. She leaves behind pain and emptiness that will haunt for a long time: days, weeks, even years. When the pain gradually calms down, insulting words, gestures, looks suddenly resurface in the memories - and the state returns, and with its former strength. To avoid such situations, one must learn to transform negative reactions, get rid of accumulated attitudes that are harmful to harmony.

The state of resentment occurs when one, during communication, utters or performs actions that go beyond what is permitted in the opinion of the other. It is characterized by the following conditions:

• dislike;
• irritation;
• mental pain;
• annoyance;
• feeling of betrayal;
• the desire to cause the same injury to the interlocutor;
• exclusively subjective assessment of the situation due to the blocking of consciousness;
• anger.

In psychology, the basis of resentment is a state after unfulfilled expectations from the interlocutor:

• real - I expected you to fulfill this promise;
• imaginary - I thought you would do this, and not in another way.

The reaction comes regardless of the nature of the expectations. Then it goes along one of the paths: it breaks out or hides inside the personality. The first path in most cases leads to conflicts, the second - to internal and prolonged coldness towards the offender.

While one of the participants in the conflict is offended, the second feels guilty. If this does not happen, the state of resentment becomes useless. Feelings of resentment cannot be experienced in relation to an object that cannot react: animals, unfamiliar, inanimate objects. They will not cause feelings of resentment, and those who will definitely avoid remorse will refuse to correct the situation. Their words will leave rather a reaction of anger, annoyance, insults.

How to deal with resentment?

The reaction to an unpleasant situation depends on the type of personality:

• persons with increased expressiveness, choleric, active extroverts splash out emotion on the opponent. The resulting misunderstanding affects relationships, can quarrel, make enemies;
• persons of a melancholic warehouse prefer to keep a negative reaction inside, put pressure on the opponent's conscience with hidden levers. The feeling of injustice of the interlocutor causes depression. The conflict may not carry a bright negative connotation, but such people can be offended for years, hiding their view of what happened and not trying to correct the situation.

Psychology of personal resentment: how does this feeling arise and what is it fraught with?

The basis of personal negative reactions is considered to be incorrect ideas about the interlocutor, a comparison of one's picture of the world with his worldview.

Each individual develops his own set of ideas about the surrounding space over time. It is good if the acceptable behavior patterns of the interlocutors approximately coincide. Disagreements, with a biased assessment, lead to the reaction: "I thought you would do it differently", "I think your words are wrong."

The causes of occurrence are conditionally divided into three groups:

1. Unconscious manipulation due to the inability to forgive. A common cause of resentment according to psychologists.
2. in order to make the interlocutor feel guilty, and then get what they want.
3. Failed expectations. If you perceive your picture of the world as the only true one, then the expectations associated with other people will sooner or later not come true. Reasons can be both significant and trifling. A colleague will forget to give him a lift home (“But I gave him a ride several times! He should have offered me the same thing!”), A friend from social networks forgot to congratulate him on his birthday (“I congratulated him. I’ll put it on a special list, then he I’ll specifically ignore the name day!”) - this is how resentment happens.

If a person is constantly offended, psychology promises him the following consequences:

• loss of communication with others. Not only that, not all friends are ready to feel guilty for someone's destructive logic, trying to restore relationships. It may happen that the offender will tell others about the conflict, after which they will shun the offended;
• not everyone is ready to analyze the reasons for the aggressive behavior of another, to guess whether he was offended by something, and if so, then what specifically. Most people just don't get it. The offended person has to keep the destructive emotion inside, not understanding how to get out of the situation;
• resentment (unspoken - in particular) undermines physical health, as it is directly related to the nervous system. Experiences due to the loss of harmonious communication with loved ones, hurt one's own interests can affect the physical condition.

Resentment from the point of view of psychology

As the psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valeryevich Baturin notes, this is one of the most common reasons for seeking advice. It happens that a person formulates his problem in a completely different way, incorrectly building cause-and-effect relationships. At the consultation, it turns out that the cause of the current situation was precisely the insult. Therefore, with serious difficulties in interacting with others, it is recommended to seek help from a specialist.

The psychology of resentment distinguishes several types of this feeling:

• Imaginary - based on a conscious desire to manipulate a loved one, to attract his attention. There is an exact calculation: “now I will show that I need to be treated differently, and he will make amends, for example, make a pleasant surprise.” This is often abused by children, thus demanding from their parents what they want;
• Random - occurs when disagreements arise between the interlocutors. Instead of a reasoned dispute, a negative reaction appears. The conversation immediately changes direction: attempts to make amends begin, to get forgiveness, a conflict occurs or communication simply stops;
• With an erroneous vector - for example, the parents awarded the sister with a sweet gift for the "five" in the diary, and the brother does not study well, so he was left without a gift. Instead of learning a lesson by raising his grades, the brother begins to take offense at his sister, behaves accordingly in relation to her. She, despite her lack of guilt, feels remorse;
• Hidden - does not appear externally. There are many reasons for this: a person is not ready to admit to himself that he is experiencing this feeling, he was brought up with the attitude “offended is bad”, he simply does not want to conflict at a particular moment, etc. Sooner or later, the emotion will find a way out. But all the time while it is inside, a person experiences the smallest details of the conflict over and over again, continuing to give a load to the nervous system.

In psychology, a sense of resentment is characteristic of most people. But some are rarely offended for really serious reasons, while others make it their lifestyle. They are ready to look for reasons in everything, and then meekly wait for the world to apologize and have a beneficial effect on their self-esteem.

Psychosomatics of the emergence of feelings of resentment

This emotion provokes diseases and failures in all body systems. The most vulnerable organ can be affected.

Aggression, as an integral component of any negative reaction, rarely finds a way out in full. Part remains inside until the person gets rid of memories of the situation, switching attention to other topics. Once inside, an aggressive reaction has a devastating effect on:

• nervous system: headaches, discomfort in the solar plexus, problems with the spine;
• endocrine system: hormonal balance is disturbed against the background of experiences, which provokes other diseases.

Most often, according to psychology, touchy people suffer. The heart muscle takes the blow of any experience. Unspoken or unfinished resentment exacerbates chronic diseases, adds new ones. For example, gynecological problems, up to infertility with an unexplained cause, may be associated with omissions between partners. Often there are depressions, oppressed states. Especially difficult cases transform the accumulated negativity into oncological diseases or suicide attempts.

Timely work with character will help to avoid especially serious conditions. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin claims: it is never too late to start building a harmonious personality:

Positive and negative manifestations of resentment

By its nature, such a reaction is only one of the many feelings that a person is capable of manifesting. But the impact on relationships with the outside world is so destructive that it is recommended to get rid of resentment, to minimize it.

Negative manifestations:

• spoils relationships with loved ones;
• makes a touchy person unbearable;
• forms a negative image among acquaintances and colleagues;
• affects the physical condition;
• takes a lot of time.

It is curious: for the "victim" in this bad habit there is nothing negative. Why does a person take offense at trifles? Psychology gives the answer: this is a simple and effective way to manipulate others. Offended - got what he wanted. The goal has been reached.

In fact, the positive manifestations of these reactions are different:

• a chance to reveal your weaknesses. Words, actions hurt when they hurt the living. Is it possible to somehow protect, work out, strengthen the weakened "bastion" of the personality in order to avoid repetition? By the way, this is one way to distract yourself: start working out ways to protect yourself in the future;
• defensive reaction from pain There is a respite, time to switch from the very fact of parting to a sense of injustice;
• one of the ways to get rid of the accumulated negativity. In the process of getting rid of negative attitudes, a person clears away the “blockages” of annoyance, anger, indignation and despondency, which have imperceptibly accumulated.

Why let go of resentment?

Touchiness in psychology, if there are no signs of a conscious bad habit in it, is, in fact, a subjective assessment of other people's life beliefs. Due to the fact that someone thinks differently, does not live up to expectations, the victim suffers. The responsibility for suffering in most cases lies with her.

Getting rid of the feeling of resentment brings to life:

• calm;
• relief of the soul;
• physical health;
• psycho-emotional well-being;
• inspiration and success.

There is no point in wasting your time on annoyance and anger about the fact that a loved one or colleague did not do something or did it in his own way. At the first sign of appearance, you need to take control of the situation and get rid of destructive emotions.

In the process of deliverance, it will be important to analyze what is happening in order to prevent repetition in the future. For example, if a loved one did not make a gift on the occasion of a certain date, you need to figure out why this happened. He forgot? So, next time it is worth reminding him in advance, preferably in a mild form, so that he does not take offense.

How to forgive an offense?

Resentment is an acquired property of character in psychology. We learn this from the adults around us, adopt it as a bad habit, and then look for ways to get rid of it for a long time.

Two tips for victims:

• throw these experiences out of the heart;
• learn to forgive.

For someone who has been accustomed all his life to be offended by others, to manipulate them consciously or unconsciously, it is difficult to follow these tips. Clients of psychologists often misunderstand what is meant by seemingly simple phrases.

Down with resentment from the heart

There is a good exercise for this: emotional isolation. It is based on a simple example. The offender is perceived by the victim as a source of conflict. If she sees him every day without the ability to isolate physically (for example, colleagues working in the same office), you should try to turn off any emotions in relation to the offender. Notepad, pen, paper on the table do not cause any emotions. The same neutral indifference must be formed in relation to the offender. It might be difficult at first. But over time, a quarrel based on subjective perception will be forgotten, the conflict will be settled. Neutrality is the best assistant for those who want to get rid of the negative consequences of communication.

How to achieve neutrality? Work out the conflict situation once with yourself or a psychologist, come to the conclusion: the negative reaction is caused by unjustified expectations in relation to the opponent, who could not reach the set bar in any way. Release the offender along with his inner perception of the world, norms, attitudes.

How a psychologist can help: teach how to train stress resistance. Emotional stability is a guarantee

Learning to forgive

Forgiveness is a conscious state, sincere, always comes from the heart. Only such a deep feeling really helps to cope with conflicts faster, as well as control the situation, stopping attempts to offend and the desire to be offended in time.

To learn to forgive, you need to work daily with your life attitudes and change them. You can do this in any state, even if at that moment there is no resentment in the heart.

Five Steps to Forgiveness and Love:

1. Live in harmony with your emotions.
2. Learn to let go of the past, live for today.
3. Control states, choose them consciously (“I choose forgiveness, not revenge”).
4. Learn lessons from each situation and use them in the future.
5. Forgive yourself, give others love and light.

How a psychologist can help: There are learning exercises for each step. A written presentation of one's own views, positions, attitudes, followed by analysis, helps well. If you have a strong desire to follow this path, sign up for a consultation with a psychologist Nikita Baturin. With its help, it is easier to learn how to get rid of resentment.

How can you help your child deal with resentment?

It is generally accepted that offended is characteristic of people from the age of 2-3 years. This is the period of the beginning of active interaction of the individual with the outside world. The kid learns what emotions are available to him, why they are, how they manifest themselves. He can not only be offended, but also demonstrate his reaction. If the surrounding adults do not prompt in time what is happening to him, but simply make amends with gifts from time to time, the child will learn to manipulate.

The ability to consciously be offended remains until adulthood. Resentment is to some extent a “childish” feeling that does not grow with the owner. Adults are offended by others like five-year-old children.

Responsibility for such behavior lies on the shoulders of parents, guardians, teachers. So that a person does not grow up touchy, psychology gives some advice to educators of young children.

1. You can't ignore your child's emotions. Explain, pronounce each reaction. The offended child needs to calmly tell the essence of what is happening. If he tries to persuade him to buy his favorite sweets or toys, calmly explain why the purchase is impossible. The more often you ignore your child's feelings, the longer and harder it will be to get rid of bad emotional habits.
2. Children should not be allowed to show emotions. After all, what is resentment in psychology? This is a destructive feeling that destroys external ties, depriving internal harmony. It cannot be hidden inside, "because it is not customary to be offended." The sooner you instill in a person the habit of transforming negative reactions into life experiences, the easier it will be in adulthood.
3. Punishment for the manifestation of such reactions provokes a desire for revenge.
4. Teach children to forgive. This can be done with the help of books, films, stories. The best way is, of course, your own example.

They say that you need to prepare psychologically. It is necessary to build a harmonious personality in order to easily instill these qualities in children later. Leading by example was and still is the best teacher.

Resentment in childhood is not only a negative emotion. This is a great opportunity to learn introspection, behavior control. The child learns to draw conclusions, build a strategy of behavior. Therefore, do not be afraid of children's emotions, fight them. You just need to choose the right keys to the heart of the baby.

Summing up, we can say: resentment is also a medicine, you just need the right dosage. If this is not manipulation and a good habit to get what you want, then a negative reaction to words or actions can be considered as one of the feelings inherent in the personality. The higher the emotional intelligence, the more benefit is derived from hurtful situations. After introspection, such a person seeks to quickly get rid of negative consequences. This is the path to success, harmony with yourself and the world around you.