Resentment often manifests itself in a person, due to many factors, but how, few know. In a state of resentment, it is impossible to make informed decisions, think correctly and enjoy life. But there is no need to be upset, as psychologists have found out the main essence of resentment and today they will share it with you.
What do you feel
To deal with resentment and anger , you first need to just evaluate what you are feeling and feeling right now. Resentment is a consequence of deceived feelings and emotions, therefore, simply by evaluating the problem, you can immediately solve it. Examine your character, you may be prone to resentment, this is your habit, which you can easily deal with if you yourself want to.
Consequences of loneliness
Psychologists and scientists have come to the conclusion that you can get rid of resentment by communicating with good people. After all, when we are offended by our friend, girlfriend, comrade, we remain completely alone and we need communication and joy. For everyone, the ideal option would be to completely stop showing resentment, and find the positive aspects in people, for this you need. It is wiser to solve the problem immediately than to remain alone for a long time.
Unconscious resentment
Basically we want deal with resentment and anger, but it turns out to be completely unconscious and unfair. All people have feelings and emotions, but sometimes they need to be restrained and controlled, which will help both you and those around you. If there is a tendency to resent resentment regularly, change your mindset and think more about good circumstances. Scientists also suggest that we look for only the good and positive in every person, so we will never be offended, and we are not going to offend anyone. But every person should strive for this, and then the world will become much more beautiful. After all, in order to cope with resentment, you do not need a lot of time and effort, you just need to change your stereotypes and views, which are unjustified and unconscious.
When you got offended
Also, in order to cope with resentment, not necessarily everything should be connected with the fact that it was you who were offended, it also happens that you were offended and quite seriously. First you need to remember the whole situation from beginning to end and understand whether you did the right thing, whether you are to blame for this situation. No need to deceive yourself and say that you are right, first analyze the situation. After that, you can find out whether you did it wrong, offended your friend, or whether he was offended by you unconsciously and unjustifiably. According to the statistics of psychologists, in most cases, all grievances manifest themselves unconsciously and unjustifiably. Understanding this, you can become smarter than the situation and simply improve relations with a person, no matter what he or you are no longer offended by each other. Life is short to waste time on such trifles.
Insults and humiliation
In the rating compiled by psychologists, the cause of resentment is also insults and humiliation. Such cases are associated with not invented resentment. Rather, it is a very unfair and serious offense that remains in a person for several years. After all, constant humiliation is not fair, that any person may not show resentment, but it will still remain in the heart for a long time. If you insulted and humiliated, then you need to immediately apologize and begin to change your character. In this case, you will be able to become stronger and more successful, since humiliation is a consequence of a weak character, and will not help to cope with resentment.
Take care of your health
Also, the Bible says that be able to forgive which has a positive effect on health. You should not be offended, you will not prove anything to a person, you will lose a lot of time and effort in vain, and your health will deteriorate due to negative emotions and anxiety. Do something good and the resentment will pass. We need to take care of our health, because no one will give it to us for a birthday or a new year. You decide what you do, but it is better to be successful, happy, and most importantly healthy.
Do what you love
All scientists and psychologists do not cease to convince us that the most effective way to overcome resentment and other unnecessary trifles is to do what you love. This has been proven by many studies and real examples of successful people. They said that they became successful and happy because they started doing what they love. Take the initiative and find your place in society, then resentment and other problems will disappear and they will be replaced by happiness and success.
Rid yourself of complexes
To stop being offended, you need to get rid of a variety of unnecessary complexes. It turned out that the most harmful complex that can interfere with you is the one that you can deal with right now. This is a completely unnecessary complex that manifests itself in a completely different way than you think. A person having such a complex does not show shyness, stiffness and fear, on the contrary, he tries to hide it, to show that he does not have this complex. Manifestations are different, such as a raised voice, unnecessary leadership, unjustified criticism and humiliation of people who behave more calmly than others.
Don't think about it
The most cunning and wise advice from a psychologist is to simply stop thinking about such a feeling as resentment. Forget about its existence, fill your life only with positive and joy, and only you will notice the result. If you have additional questions, ask them in the comments, we will definitely answer them.
psycho- olog. en
This is a question most of us regularly ask. From early childhood, we were taught that it was not right to offend the people around us. But for some reason, they rarely talked about the fact that being offended yourself is harmful to our harmonious existence and development. It is up to you to remember the grievances or not, but let's think about whether there is any benefit from this.
Is it harmful to remember grievances for a long time?
By nature, I am a rather quick-tempered, but quickly outgoing person. Despite this, some time ago I could scroll through my head for a very long time thoughts about the unfair treatment towards me. For example, such as: offended, not appreciated, betrayed, forgotten, and so on.
Come to think of it, how much time are we willing to spend thinking about who? why? and why? He didn't treat us the way we expected him to. I am absolutely sure that all the thoughts that have been deposited and stored in our heads about how unhappy we have become because of the ugly act of another person, ultimately lead to inadequate, low self-esteem.
As a result - to malfunctions in the work of our nervous system, anger and a decrease in self-esteem. Well, then, usually, well-known sores, nervous breakdowns, failures and disappointments begin ... In general, everything that ingrained resentment towards other people leads to.
How to stop being offended and get rid of resentment?
By and large, resentment is a state when you blame others for doing something wrong towards you, acted somehow unfairly. In fact, this point of view is losing from the very beginning, since you expect others to treat you in a certain way, as if people “owe” you something. And in the end, after this or that person does not live up to your expectations, and resentment sets in.
And of course, most often we don’t think about why a person treated us the way he did. You are wounded, you have been slandered, you are unhappy. Emotions cloud the mind. All this is quite a comfortable position - the position of the victim. Yes, sometimes we are treated ugly, and yes, sometimes those closest to us do it. It is bad news.
But there are also good ones. Do not forget that in your arsenal there are different options for perceiving the situation: forgive, analyze this unpleasant conflict, or let go of both the situation and the person if your offender is just a bad person.
Unfortunately, for many, the most convenient option is to blame others for unfair treatment, changing one environment for another. This is the right of everyone, and I don’t think that an adult with such a pattern of behavior that has been established throughout his life is easy to induce to think that he himself is guilty of his disappointments.
But back to the question: how to stop being offended?”, remember that we are all primarily fixated on ourselves. Let's take care of our loved ones, because our long grievances lead to our illnesses, to our negative mood in life, and in the end, to loneliness. So right now, as you replay in your mind all those who did not do what you wanted to do to you, say to yourself: “Yes, it happened. And yes, I was uncomfortable. Now dive for another five minutes and stay in this state. And after five minutes, tell yourself: “That's it, enough insults!”
After all, your life has been going on for a long time, people come and go from life, and your present is now only in your beautiful hands, from the very beginning, from scratch! Therefore, down with resentment and “offense” and forward to your beautiful life filled with the most wonderful people and events! 🙂
How to learn not to be offended by people?
Finally, I would like to give some simple but effective recommendations on how to be less offended.
- Remember: being offended is not constructive. The offended person often goes into a state of ignoring the offender, which does not contribute to solving the problems that caused the offense.
- Go in for sports and lead a healthy lifestyle: in a fairly quick time, in this way you will significantly strengthen the nervous system, which will smooth out such negative traits as irritability, resentment, insecurity, and so on.
- Be realistic. Do not live in a world of illusions and high expectations. Often resentment begins when life abruptly brings you back from heaven to earth.
I hope that these simple tips will allow you to cope with resentment and continue your life path in harmony with yourself and with those around you. All the best! Your comments are very welcome, let's discuss this topic. 🙂
Resentment in psychology is a strong destructive feeling that has a destructive effect. Offended, people refuse to communicate with loved ones, change the attitude of others towards themselves, and harm their own health. She leaves behind pain and emptiness that will haunt for a long time: days, weeks, even years. When the pain gradually calms down, insulting words, gestures, looks suddenly resurface in the memories - and the state returns, and with its former strength. To avoid such situations, one must learn to transform negative reactions, get rid of accumulated attitudes that are harmful to harmony.
The state of resentment occurs when one, during communication, utters or performs actions that go beyond what is permitted in the opinion of the other. It is characterized by the following conditions:
- dislike;
- irritation;
- mental pain;
- annoyance;
- feeling of betrayal;
- the desire to cause the same injury to the interlocutor;
- exclusively subjective assessment of the situation due to the blocking of consciousness;
- anger.
In psychology, the basis of resentment is a state after unfulfilled expectations from the interlocutor:
- real - I expected you to fulfill this promise;
- imaginary - I thought you would do this, and not in another way.
The reaction comes regardless of the nature of the expectations. Then it goes along one of the paths: it breaks out or hides inside the personality. The first path in most cases leads to conflicts, the second - to internal and prolonged coldness towards the offender.
While one of the participants in the conflict is offended, the second feels guilty. If this does not happen, the state of resentment becomes useless. Feelings of resentment cannot be experienced in relation to an object that cannot react: animals, unfamiliar, inanimate objects. They will not cause feelings of resentment, and those who will definitely avoid remorse will refuse to correct the situation. Their words will leave rather a reaction of anger, annoyance, insults.
How to deal with resentment?
The reaction to an unpleasant situation depends on the type of personality:
- persons with increased expressiveness, choleric, active extroverts splash out emotion on the opponent. The resulting misunderstanding affects relationships, can quarrel, make enemies;
- persons of a melancholic warehouse prefer to keep a negative reaction inside, put pressure on the opponent's conscience with hidden levers. The feeling of injustice of the interlocutor causes depression. The conflict may not carry a bright negative connotation, but such people can be offended for years, hiding their view of what happened and not trying to correct the situation.
Psychology of personal resentment: how does this feeling arise and what is it fraught with?
The basis of personal negative reactions is considered to be incorrect ideas about the interlocutor, a comparison of one's picture of the world with his worldview.
Each individual develops his own set of ideas about the surrounding space over time. It is good if the acceptable behavior patterns of the interlocutors approximately coincide. Disagreements, with a biased assessment, lead to the reaction: "I thought you would do it differently", "I think your words are wrong."
The causes of occurrence are conditionally divided into three groups:
- Unconscious manipulation due to the inability to forgive. A common cause of resentment according to psychologists.
- in order to make the interlocutor feel guilty, and then get what they want.
- Failed expectations. If you perceive your picture of the world as the only true one, then the expectations associated with other people will sooner or later not come true. Reasons can be both significant and trifling. A colleague will forget to give him a lift home (“But I gave him a ride several times! He should have offered me the same thing!”), A friend from social networks forgot to congratulate him on his birthday (“I congratulated him. I’ll put it on a special list, then he I’ll specifically ignore the name day!”) - this is how resentment happens.
If a person is constantly offended, psychology promises him the following consequences:
- loss of communication with others. Not only that, not all friends are ready to feel guilty for someone's destructive logic, trying to restore relationships. It may happen that the offender will tell others about the conflict, after which they will shun the offended;
- not everyone is ready to analyze the reasons for the aggressive behavior of another, to guess whether he was offended by something, and if so, then what specifically. Most people just don't get it. The offended person has to keep the destructive emotion inside, not understanding how to get out of the situation;
- resentment (unspoken - in particular) undermines physical health, as it is directly related to the nervous system. Experiences due to the loss of harmonious communication with loved ones, hurt one's own interests can affect the physical condition.
Resentment from the point of view of psychology
As the psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valeryevich Baturin notes, this is one of the most common reasons for seeking advice. It happens that a person formulates his problem in a completely different way, incorrectly building cause-and-effect relationships. At the consultation, it turns out that the cause of the current situation was precisely the offense. Therefore, with serious difficulties in interacting with others, it is recommended to seek help from a specialist.
The psychology of resentment distinguishes several types of this feeling:
- Imaginary - based on a conscious desire to manipulate a loved one, to attract his attention. There is an exact calculation: “now I will show that I need to be treated differently, and he will make amends, for example, make a pleasant surprise.” This is often abused by children, thus demanding from their parents what they want;
- Random - occurs when disagreements arise between the interlocutors. Instead of a reasoned dispute, a negative reaction appears. The conversation immediately changes direction: attempts to make amends begin, to get forgiveness, a conflict occurs or communication simply stops;
- With an erroneous vector - for example, the parents awarded the sister with a sweet gift for the "five" in the diary, and the brother does not study well, so he was left without a gift. Instead of learning a lesson by raising his grades, the brother begins to take offense at his sister, behaves accordingly in relation to her. She, despite her lack of guilt, feels remorse;
- Hidden - does not appear externally. There are many reasons for this: a person is not ready to admit to himself that he is experiencing this feeling, he was brought up with the attitude “offended is bad”, he simply does not want to conflict at a particular moment, etc. Sooner or later, the emotion will find a way out. But all the time while it is inside, a person experiences the smallest details of the conflict over and over again, continuing to give a load to the nervous system.
In psychology, a sense of resentment is characteristic of most people. But some are rarely offended for really serious reasons, while others make it their lifestyle. They are ready to look for reasons in everything, and then meekly wait for the world to apologize and have a beneficial effect on their self-esteem.
Psychosomatics of the emergence of feelings of resentment
This emotion provokes diseases and failures in all body systems. The most vulnerable organ can be affected.
Aggression, as an integral component of any negative reaction, rarely finds a way out in full. Part remains inside until the person gets rid of memories of the situation, switching attention to other topics. Once inside, an aggressive reaction has a devastating effect on:
- nervous system: headaches, discomfort in the solar plexus, problems with the spine;
- endocrine system: hormonal balance is disturbed against the background of experiences, which provokes other diseases.
Most often, according to psychology, touchy people suffer. The heart muscle takes the blow of any experience. Unspoken or unfinished resentment exacerbates chronic diseases, adds new ones. For example, gynecological problems, up to infertility with an unexplained cause, may be associated with omissions between partners. Often there are depressions, oppressed states. Especially difficult cases transform the accumulated negativity into oncological diseases or suicide attempts.
Timely work with character will help to avoid especially serious conditions. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin claims: it is never too late to start building a harmonious personality:
Positive and negative manifestations of resentment
By its nature, such a reaction is only one of the many feelings that a person is capable of manifesting. But the impact on relationships with the outside world is so destructive that it is recommended to get rid of resentment, to minimize it.
Negative manifestations:
- spoils relationships with loved ones;
- makes a touchy person unbearable;
- forms a negative image among acquaintances and colleagues;
- affects the physical condition;
- takes a lot of time.
It is curious: for the "victim" in this bad habit there is nothing negative. Why does a person take offense at trifles? Psychology gives the answer: this is a simple and effective way to manipulate others. Offended - got what he wanted. The goal has been reached.
In fact, the positive manifestations of these reactions are different:
- a chance to reveal your weaknesses. Words, actions hurt when they hurt the living. Is it possible to somehow protect, work out, strengthen the weakened "bastion" of the personality in order to avoid repetition? By the way, this is one way to distract yourself: start working out ways to protect yourself in the future;
- defensive reaction from pain There is a respite, time to switch from the very fact of parting to a sense of injustice;
- one of the ways to get rid of the accumulated negativity. In the process of getting rid of negative attitudes, a person clears away the “blockages” of annoyance, anger, indignation and despondency, which have imperceptibly accumulated.
Why let go of resentment?
Touchiness in psychology, if there are no signs of a conscious bad habit in it, is, in fact, a subjective assessment of other people's life beliefs. Due to the fact that someone thinks differently, does not live up to expectations, the victim suffers. The responsibility for suffering in most cases lies with her.
Getting rid of the feeling of resentment brings to life:
- calm;
- relief of the soul;
- physical health;
- psycho-emotional well-being;
- inspiration and success.
There is no point in wasting your time on annoyance and anger about the fact that a loved one or colleague did not do something or did it in his own way. At the first sign of appearance, you need to take control of the situation and get rid of destructive emotions.
In the process of deliverance, it will be important to analyze what is happening in order to prevent repetition in the future. For example, if a loved one did not make a gift on the occasion of a certain date, you need to figure out why this happened. He forgot? So, next time it is worth reminding him in advance, preferably in a mild form, so that he does not take offense.
How to forgive an offense?
Resentment is an acquired property of character in psychology. We learn this from the adults around us, adopt it as a bad habit, and then look for ways to get rid of it for a long time.
Two tips for victims:
- throw these experiences out of the heart;
- learn to forgive.
For someone who has been accustomed all his life to be offended by others, to manipulate them consciously or unconsciously, it is difficult to follow these tips. Clients of psychologists often misunderstand what is meant by seemingly simple phrases.
Down with resentment from the heart
There is a good exercise for this: emotional isolation. It is based on a simple example. The offender is perceived by the victim as a source of conflict. If she sees him every day without the ability to isolate physically (for example, colleagues working in the same office), you should try to turn off any emotions in relation to the offender. Notepad, pen, paper on the table do not cause any emotions. The same neutral indifference must be formed in relation to the offender. It might be difficult at first. But over time, a quarrel based on subjective perception will be forgotten, the conflict will be settled. Neutrality is the best assistant for those who want to get rid of the negative consequences of communication.
How to achieve neutrality? Work out the conflict situation once with yourself or a psychologist, come to the conclusion: the negative reaction is caused by unjustified expectations in relation to the opponent, who could not reach the set bar in any way. Release the offender along with his inner perception of the world, norms, attitudes.
How a psychologist can help: teach how to train stress resistance. Emotional stability is a guarantee
Learning to forgive
Forgiveness is a conscious state, sincere, always comes from the heart. Only such a deep feeling really helps to cope with conflicts faster, as well as control the situation, stopping attempts to offend and the desire to be offended in time.
To learn to forgive, you need to work daily with your life attitudes and change them. You can do this in any state, even if at that moment there is no resentment in the heart.
Five Steps to Forgiveness and Love:
- Live in harmony with your emotions.
- Learn to let go of the past, live for today.
- Control states, choose them consciously (“I choose forgiveness, not revenge”).
- Learn lessons from each situation and use them in the future.
- Forgive yourself, give others love and light.
How a psychologist can help: There are learning exercises for each step. A written presentation of one's own views, positions, attitudes, followed by analysis, helps well. If you have a strong desire to follow this path, sign up for a consultation with a psychologist Nikita Baturin. With its help, it is easier to learn how to get rid of resentment.
How can you help your child deal with resentment?
It is generally accepted that offended is characteristic of people from the age of 2-3 years. This is the period of the beginning of active interaction of the individual with the outside world. The kid learns what emotions are available to him, why they are, how they manifest themselves. He can not only be offended, but also demonstrate his reaction. If the surrounding adults do not prompt in time what is happening to him, but simply make amends with gifts from time to time, the child will learn to manipulate.
The ability to consciously be offended remains until adulthood. Resentment is to some extent a “childish” feeling that does not grow with the owner. Adults are offended by others like five-year-old children.
Responsibility for such behavior lies on the shoulders of parents, guardians, teachers. So that a person does not grow up touchy, psychology gives some advice to educators of young children.
- You can't ignore your child's emotions. Explain, pronounce each reaction. The offended child needs to calmly tell the essence of what is happening. If he tries to persuade him to buy his favorite sweets or toys, calmly explain why the purchase is impossible. The more often you ignore your child's feelings, the longer and harder it will be to get rid of bad emotional habits.
- Children should not be allowed to show emotions. After all, what is resentment in psychology? This is a destructive feeling that destroys external ties, depriving internal harmony. It cannot be hidden inside, "because it is not customary to be offended." The sooner you instill in a person the habit of transforming negative reactions into life experiences, the easier it will be in adulthood.
- Punishment for the manifestation of such reactions provokes a desire for revenge.
- Teach children to forgive. This can be done with the help of books, films, stories. The best way is, of course, your own example.
They say that you need to prepare psychologically. It is necessary to build a harmonious personality in order to easily instill these qualities in children later. Leading by example was and still is the best teacher.
Resentment in childhood is not only a negative emotion. This is a great opportunity to learn introspection, behavior control. The child learns to draw conclusions, build a strategy of behavior. Therefore, do not be afraid of children's emotions, fight them. You just need to choose the right keys to the heart of the baby.
Summing up, we can say: resentment is also a medicine, you just need the right dosage. If this is not manipulation and a good habit of getting what you want, then a negative reaction to words or actions can be considered as one of the feelings inherent in the personality. The higher the emotional intelligence, the more benefit is derived from hurtful situations. After introspection, such a person seeks to quickly get rid of negative consequences. This is the path to success, harmony with yourself and the world around you.
Each of us, regardless of age and life experience, faced such situations when close or not so people acted in such a way that after that it became very painful. Someone had more such situations in life, someone had less, and everyone has their own story on this matter. As a result, we, as a rule, experience a very unpleasant feeling, which is called resentment, and very often it lives inside us for many years, poisoning life very much. This strong and destructive emotion, with prolonged exposure to the body, can cause significant harm to health, up to malignant neoplasms. From the point of view of energy interactions, resentment on a subconscious level is a hidden death wish for the offender, which will certainly return and eventually transform into problems in various areas of life.
That is why it is very important to learn to forgive, to get rid of the negative that happened in life and thereby make room for both positive emotions and feelings, and for joyful events in life.
Representatives of various religions, as well as numerous psychologists and teachers, speak about the importance of forgiveness. They all agree on one thing - if the offender appeared in a person's life, then this does not happen just like that, undeservedly. This means that for some reason we need to go through this difficult and painful lesson, learn to love regardless of the circumstances, learn to forgive and change something in ourselves. For example, often when women are offended by their close men, this is a sign that a woman does not love herself enough, or is so immersed in caring for others that she completely loses her true self, or she experiences subconscious, that is, implicit, aggression towards a man. Below I suggest you get acquainted with the various techniques so that you can choose the one that is right for you. It is worth mentioning that forgiveness is not an easy job, almost always you have to relive the pain that was once experienced, it is not always possible to immediately let go and forgive, but the result that you achieve by freeing yourself from this burden is worth it. You will feel freer and lighter, and life will sparkle with new colors. If there is no resentment within us, then a place is made in the heart for the creative energy of love, a person, as it were, radiates from within, and this becomes noticeable to the naked eye. If we know how to accept and forgive, then both people and ourselves become much more comfortable and joyful with ourselves.
Before you start using any method, I recommend that you take the following steps. The first is to try to understand that no matter how painful and hard it may be for us, there is something to learn in the current situation, and even if we cannot understand this yet because of strong emotions and the feeling that we were treated unfairly, that this happened with us there is a deep meaning and the opportunity to become better and qualitatively change something in your life through overcoming the test. Secondly, try to remember all those with whom you have been offended and are still offended, make a list for yourself and single out among them those with whom the strongest emotions are associated. Thus, you will have two groups of people, but choose who to forgive first for yourself: it’s easier for someone to first get rid of minor grievances and then move on to strong and painful ones, for someone vice versa.
Method one. Prayer.
This tool is especially suitable for those who are close to any religion. In each of them there are prayers that can help to cope with resentment, there are saints who can be turned to for help.
Regardless of whether you belong to any religious denomination, in a temple or at home, you can simply imagine the offender in your mind and say the following words repeatedly:
With gratitude, love and God's help, I forgive you (name) and accept you completely and completely. I ask your forgiveness for hurting you with my thoughts or actions and I ask (Name) to forgive me for negative emotions, thoughts and actions towards you.
Method two. Forgiveness Meditation by renowned author Louise Hay.
Find a comfortable place where no one will disturb you. Close your eyes, if you want, you can turn on soft pleasant music, light scented candles. Relax completely, from the top of your head to your toes, try not to be distracted by extraneous thoughts and completely immerse yourself in yourself and your feelings. After you have completely relaxed, imagine that you are in a darkened theater hall. There is a small stage in front of you. You see on this stage the person who hurt you. This person may be alive or dead, and your hatred may be both in the past and in the present.
When you clearly see this person, imagine that something good is happening to him, something that is of great importance to this person. Imagine him smiling and happy. Hold this image in your mind for a few minutes and then let it disappear. Then, when the person you want to forgive leaves the stage, put yourself there. Imagine that only good things happen to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling. And know that there is enough goodness in the universe for all of us.
This exercise dissolves the dark clouds of accumulated resentment. Some will find this exercise very difficult. Each time you make it, you can draw in the imagination of different people. Do this exercise once a day for a month and see how much easier life becomes for you.
Method three. Methodology "Forgiveness Meditation" by A. Sviyash.
Choose a person in relation to whom you will work with the thought form of your negative experiences. For example, let it be your father.
Start mentally repeating the phrase several times in a row:
With love and gratitude, I forgive my father and accept him as God created him (or: and accept him as he is). I apologize to my father for my negative thoughts, emotions and actions towards him. My father forgives me for my thoughts, emotions and actions towards him.
This formula works most effectively for erasing negative emotions in relation to living people with whom you periodically meet and experience discomfort, but can also be used for dead people. The same form is used when working with events, any phenomena, and even with Life.
With love and gratitude, I forgive my Life and accept it in all manifestations as God created it (or: and accept it as it is). I ask forgiveness from my Life for my negative thoughts, emotions and actions in relation to it. My Life forgives me for my thoughts, emotions and actions in relation to it.
This technique should be performed for each person for whom you experienced negative emotions for at least 3-4 hours in total. And for those whom you barely remember, you can get by with 20-40 minutes. When you feel warmth in the center of your chest, in most cases this will mean that you have no negative emotions left in your body in relation to this person. And try to remember all the people with whom you could have had any negative experiences.
Method four. Technique of Forgiveness by Margarita Murakhovskaya.
Imagine that you are walking down a country road. Around the flower meadow. The road divides a vast field strewn with beautiful wildflowers. You hear the buzzing of insects, the singing of the lark in the high sky. You breathe easily and calmly. You slowly move along the road. A person is walking towards you. And the closer he gets to you, the more you begin to understand that this is your father. This is your dad, only in his youth. You come up to him, take his hands and say: “Hello, daddy. Please forgive me for not being the way you wanted me to be. Thank you for everything, for what was and what was not. Daddy, I love you very much. I forgive you for everything. I forgive you for not being there when I missed you so much. I forgive you. You owe me nothing. You are free". You begin to notice how your father is turning into a small child. He is about 3 years old. You look at this baby, and you want to take him in your arms, hug him gently to yourself and say: “I love you. I love you very much". A small child turns into a tiny one, it fits in the palm of your hand. You place it with tenderness and love in your heart, in your soul. Where he feels comfortable and at ease. You take a deep breath in and out and move on. A person is walking towards you. And the closer he approaches you, the more you begin to understand that this is your mother, only in your youth. She is now as old as she gave birth to you. You come up to her and take her hands and say: Hello, mommy. Forgive me, please, for everything, for hurting you sometimes. Sorry for not living up to your expectations. And I forgive you for everything. For what was and what was not. I'm sorry that when I needed your support so much, you were not there. “I forgive you with love. Now you are free. Thank you for everything, for the fact that thanks to you I was born. Thank you for your tenderness and care.” You begin to notice how your mother is turning into a little girl of 3 years old. She is standing in front of you. You take her in your arms, press her gently to you and say: “I love you very much. You are the closest and dearest." It becomes so tiny that it fits in the palm of your hand. You place it in your heart, in your soul. Where she will be warm and comfortable.
You take a deep breath in and out and move on. In the distance you see the figure of a man. And the closer you get, the more you begin to understand that it is you. You look at yourself and say, “Well, hello. Please forgive me for everything. For always appreciating you. I really love you very much. You are the closest and dearest person to me." You begin to notice how the person in front of you becomes a three-year-old toddler. You take him in your arms, hug him to you, say: "You know, I love you, I love you very much." This wonderful baby becomes very small, it fits in your palm. You place it in your heart, in your soul, in your inner world.
Now your inner child, inner parent, inner adult is with you. These parts help you live and function effectively. You are walking down the country road again. You breathe easily and freely. You have peace of mind. And now everything in your life will be different, because you are different. You are filled with self-love and your parts are in harmony. Take a deep breath in and out and open your eyes. After you have established contact with yourself, you can work on forgiving other people according to the same scheme.
Method five. Forgiveness technique S. Gawain.
Step 1. Forgiveness and liberation of others.
Write on a piece of paper the names of all the people who you think have ever hurt you, done you wrong and unfairly. Or (and) those in relation to whom you still feel (or have experienced before) indignation, anger and other negative feelings. Next to each person's name, write what they did to you. And why are you offended by him. Then close your eyes, relax and visualize or imagine each person one by one. Have a short conversation with each of them and explain to him or her that in the past you felt anger or resentment towards him (her), but now you intend to do everything in your power to forgive them for everything. Give them your blessing and say, “I forgive you and release you. Go your own way and be happy."
When you are done with this process, write "Now I forgive and release you all" on your piece of paper and throw it away or burn it as a token that you are free from these past experiences.
The great advantage of the technique proposed by S. Gawain is that you forgive not only others, but also yourself. That is, you get rid of not only anger and resentment, but also guilt and the shame associated with it.
Step 2: Forgive and free yourself.
Now write down the names of all those whom you think you have ever hurt or wronged. Write down exactly what you did with each of them. And then close your eyes again, relax and imagine each of these people in turn. Tell him or her what you did and ask them to forgive you for it and give you their blessing. Then imagine them doing it - i.e. forgiving you.
When you're done, write down or across your piece of paper, "I forgive myself and take all the blame here, now, and forever!" Then tear up the paper and throw it away (or burn it again).
Method six. "Three-Step Exercise for Writing a Healing Letter" by E. Basse and L. Davis.
This technique gives a person the opportunity to experience support and approval, regardless of the reaction of the subject who offended him (her).
First letter.
The work begins with you writing your first letter to the abuser, in which you describe in some detail the details of the abuse, your feelings about the abuse (also in great detail), how it all affected your life. This letter may well contain demands for certain forms of retribution and/or apologies that you deem appropriate for your abuser.
Second letter.
After that, you write a second letter - the one that you think the offender could write or actually write to you if he had such an opportunity. It may state what the offender said to you during that very, memorable situation of insult. That is, it should contain the answer that you are generally afraid of.
The third and most important letter.
And now you have to write a letter in which you state the answer that you need. This is, of course, an imaginary response from the person who offended you. An answer that he could write if he wanted to take responsibility for the insult and express his regrets and remorse for what he had done. In other words, the third letter is the one that you need most of all: the letter that you, alas, have not received and are unlikely to ever receive. Therefore, it is the writing of the third letter that can become an important stage in your release, since in it you can express (and receive) the apologies, feelings of support and regret that you so lacking.
Healing letters are most effective in all those cases when the person who caused the insult is out of physical reach - for any reason (for example, due to his death). In this case, the letters, as it were, complete the external and internal conflict with those who refused or did not have time to take responsibility for the insult.
Method seven. Emotionally corrective experience (by J. Rainwater).
Write down the episode that disturbed or offended you in the form of a short story written in the present tense and in the first person. Restore all the events as accurately as possible (unless, of course, they have become a serious psychological trauma for you). Restore all dialogues and describe your feelings.
Now rewrite history the way you would like it to happen. Slap the offender, go towards the pursuer and defeat him. At least somehow, but take revenge on the tormentor. Or love the person you hate.
Do whatever you want. Create new dialogues. Describe your other feelings. And come up with your own ending and denouement.
According to statistics, at least once in a lifetime, all people are offended. However, everyone handles hurt differently. Why is this happening? A person has certain “sore spots”, hitting which, it is very easy to offend him. Some people have fewer such places, others have more, hence the varying degree of resentment that arises. There are also cases when a person does not seem to be at all, although he simply saves everything somewhere deep in his soul.
Why people get offended: the main reasons
The most common reason for resentment is a simple calculation. A person pretends to be offended in order to derive some benefit from his interlocutor. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to feel resentment, in fact, it is enough to pretend. This method is more often used by girls to get what they want from a man.
The next reason is the banal inability or unwillingness to forgive. In this case, the offended person himself may not know what exactly he was offended by - the fact itself and the subsequent apologies are important to him.
Another reason for resentment can be unjustified expectations. For example, a person is completely sure that after today's interview he will definitely be hired, but they never call him back. Or a girl on her birthday dreams of receiving a long-awaited ring as a gift from her boyfriend, with whom they have been living together for more than four years, but receives a romantic vacation by the sea.
What to do
1. Analyze the situation: it is quite possible that the interlocutor simply does not suspect that his words could offend someone. In this case, you need to put yourself in his place and see if this person could realize by saying these exact words that he could hurt your feelings.
2. Always take advantage of any situation for yourself. Perhaps the interlocutor pointed out your shortcomings, which really take place. You can thank him for saying it to his face and not spreading rumors behind his back.
3. It is useless to be offended that a person did not live up to your expectations. No one can read minds and accurately guess the desires of another. It is much more effective, for example, to simply ask the husband to throw out the garbage, and the mother-in-law to sit with the child, than to wait for them to guess about it themselves, and then be offended because this did not happen.
Harm of resentment
It has been proven that this emotion causes many diseases, for example, cancer or cirrhosis of the liver in a completely non-drinking person, constant migraines and insomnia, not to mention the lack of peace of mind. It is worth considering what is actually more expensive: pride and hurt feelings or your own health?